Wrangler Dani

…is that it’s just so tough for me to grasp.

Yesterday, Adam worked a little over 12 hours. I felt awful, baking muffins and sending out rejected resumes and writing poorly, when he’s out there working his tush off. I felt like I wasn’t doing enough, like I can’t do enough to show him how much I love him, as though he is going to look at the fruit of my days and wish he’s never married such a silly, useless girl.

But when he got home, tired and hungry, he was still more than willing to listen to my struggles over plot and story and the inspiration that flits away like a trifling sprite whenever I look at the blank page.  He kissed me and told me he still believes in me.  “Where are you getting this idea that you’re not doing enough?” he asked.

I wrestled with that for a while – and I still don’t really know. But this morning, I read this:

Ephesians 2:1-10

And you were dead in your trespasses and sins, in which you formerly walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience. Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest. But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved),  and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.

It couldn’t be more clear if God had hit me over the head with a frying pan.  The grace that Adam has shown, the grace I see around me every day, is unearned. It is a picture of God’s grace for me. I am saved through faith, created for good works – the things I have burning inside me to do, using the gifts and talents God has given me.  My fear in this creative journey is not of God.

Surpassing riches of His grace! There is no better way to describe this. It is unearned love, unfettered hope, unhindered creativity. It is joy when life doesn’t make sense and love when it is undeserved.  It is my life in Christ.