Wrangler Dani

Writer, editor, wife, adoptive mama and cowgirl living in beautiful Central Oregon.

“I have to live with a Boy!”

“And when I told her that I was gonna be moving in with Chandler, she was really supportive…. …You were so great. You made it so easy. And now you have to leave. AND I HAVE TO LIVE WITH A BOY!!!!” –Monica, Friends

I’m no stranger to the “I feel you, sister” nod and sigh toward a fictional character.  Monica especially points out my foibles in melodramatic style, causing me to cringe occasionally when I recognize myself and look around sheepishly – “I’m not THAT bad, am I?” But I often am, and I know it and I’m working on it.

Hence, this post is part of my “working on it”.

Confession: I love my bower with a passion bordering on religious zeal.  I love my candles, I love my red toaster-oven, I love having a sanctuary – designed, paid for, loved and maintained by yours truly and defended with the ferocity of a threatened Mama Bear.

Now, however, I’m entering a New Phase. And, as much as I like to talk big about being a wild and free, leaf-blown-in-the-wind-without-a-care-type; I’m totally not. It’s all bluster.  The truth of the matter is, I love Home.  I love security. I love clean things and pretty things and being able to find a thumb tack right away because it’s right where I left it.

I have a couple of months of transition coming up, during which I will be living in the graciously offered “Spare Oom” of my soon-to-be cousins, (EEEEE!!! oh-my-gosh-I’m-getting-married-squeal) and giving up the Bower.

I openly admit that I’m dragging my feet.  I’ve fought long and hard to finally have a place of MY OWN, and giving it up with dignity feels nearly impossible. But, I’ve realized something – in my reluctance to close this chapter, I’ve missed out on the excitement of the one to come.

As Adam reminded me last night – I have to think about what leaving means. And he’s absolutely right. I’m trading my Saturday morning walk to the Farmer’s Market for waking up every morning to the Love of my Life. I’m trading decorating my tiny home for creating OUR home, one filled with love and memories and a relationship which runs deeper and is more fulfilling than simple “single freedom”. I’m trading driving home (or Adam driving me, because he’s chivalrous like that,) after midnight for getting to stay, right where I am, cozy on the couch with my fella. I’m trading single-hood for marriage.

And even though my homey little heart aches at losing its nest, I know I’m trading it for a better one. I get the awesome privilege of living with a Boy, and after January 18th, that’s all the home and security I need.

4 comments found

  1. Remind me to come back and read this post if/when I ever find myself in your shoes. Because I FEEL YA, sister. Having a place of one’s own is a huge gift – one that I, for one, am going to have a really hard time giving up.

    But I love Adam’s thoughts. The next chapter is going to be even better. 🙂

    At least we’ve each had the chance to experience living alone! I know that no matter what happens in life, I’ll be glad that I took this time to create my little Annie Hut.

    Also, speaking of thumbtacks:
    http://failblog.org/2008/09/10/management-fail/

  2. Remember that you don’t have to feel guilty for being sad about leaving your own little bower. Your life is going to be changing a LOT in a couple of months, and its okay to miss your freedom and independence!

    But Adam is totally right: what you’re getting in return far outweighs what you’re giving up. It’s going to be amazing. 🙂

  3. Pingback: Pages tagged "chivalrous"

  4. I, too, fought against giving up my single-hood and hard-earned right to live in my OWN place. I especially miss the total freedom of my days in Oxford, though that’s also job-related. And it’s okay to mourn that; I know J and I are both still adjusting.

    BUT. It’s wonderful not to have to leave him at night. And to be creating our own house full of our memories and stuff and daily rituals. And your new life with Adam is going to be absolutely SO exciting.

    I know you’ll miss your Bower, though, and I don’t blame you. I miss the little flat that was all mine, and my girlie house in Oxford. But living with a Boy is actually quite fun. Can’t wait for you to experience that. 🙂

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