Perspective for 2 a.m.
Do you ever wake up with your heart pounding at 2 a.m., wondering how you’ll ever go back to sleep if your health isn’t instantly perfected and bank account righted? I do, and I’m fairly sure it’s genetic, as my mom is a first-class middle-of-the-night worrier.
I have been asked over the last few weeks about my optimistic outlook upon hearing about Celiac disease, and here’s the real truth of it:
I have to have a joyful, faithful perspective at 10 a.m. and 2 p.m., or else 2 a.m. is just too hard to bear. When I wake up in the middle of the night and I want to be afraid or worried, I can remember the truths that I knew in the daylight, the things I remembered when I had a hot cup of coffee in my hand.
In my life, I have to remind myself of God’s goodness and look for joy because I know that 2 a.m. will come, in some form or other. I may not always wake up worried, but there’s always a moment where I could give in, in which I could wallow and let circumstances dictate my life and emotion. So today, I am going to look for perspective for that 2 a.m. moment. Today, I’m seeking joy and faith. Today I’m going to laugh because I just can’t contain it, because our kitchen is getting lovelier every day and I can’t even believe it. Today I’m going to kiss my husband and thank him for all those hours of hard work, play fetch with my puppy and make plans with my friends.
I’m reminded of friends who’ve faced cancer with grace, who’ve lost parents and who are walking through difficult moments right now. I’m reminded that life is just hard sometimes, that we get diagnosis we don’t want and that is a worthy reason to mourn. But I also know, and I must remember, that life is beautiful. That sometimes you get long chats with faraway friends and it’s exactly what you needed, that sometimes a glass of wine and a snuggle on the couch is balm for one’s soul. Sometimes a cat’s purr or a puppy’s happy game of fetch or a perfectly-timed text from a friend are all I need for today. Today’s blessings are many and beautiful, and I want to see them and appreciate them, because 2 a.m will come soon enough, and I plan to be ready for it.
“This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24